Military Talk: Mixed Emotions

Military Talk- Mixed EmotionsI have known for months that my boyfriend would be leaving for bootcamp. At first I didn’t know a date, just a guess of “probably in March.” So I kept pushing all of my thoughts and feelings to the side because that was “so long” from now.

But now he’s leaving in one week! He will leave for Texas on the 9th to start his training. This news came as a shock to me at first like, okay this is real now. He is leaving much sooner than I thought. Oh my god. 

I started looking up information like crazy. I printed him a packing list (straight from the Air Force website), and watched videos on what boot camp would be like for him. I made him an updated work out chart, and I started reading blog posts and looking through Pinterest. All this, of course, is because I like to plan things and I don’t like surprises (like when I found out he is only guaranteed one phone call.) But I wound up in a relationship that will be going through tons of obstacles – none of which we can plan for. Instead of giving up on us, I am working through the stress of the unknown.

Not being able to know what’s going to happen is really freaking me out. I have no idea how I’m going to deal with it. Although, most of our relationship has been long distance so I’m not too worried about that part. What I think will suck the most is not being able to call him on my way home from my night class (or any time, really). I will miss hearing his voice and being able to hold him.

After bootcamp I get to see him for 3 days and then he will leave for technical school for 2 years! All of this scares me when I look at the whole picture… we have no clue what’s in store for us for the next 2 years. A lot can happen in one month let alone 24 months! In two years I will be finished with school and ready for the next chapter of my life. In two years he will be finished with his training, too. Who knows what our life will be like in two years.

What I keep forgetting is that I can’t look at the whole picture right now… I just have to take it one step at a time. I am really proud and excited to see what he will do. I am really scared and nervous for the future. But I am going to take it one day at a time and have faith in our beautiful relationship.

Am I happy?

Well I am putting on a brave face and I am telling him I am excited for him and proud of him (both of which are true) but no, I am not happy that he’s leaving. I’m not happy that I am going to be spending a lot of holidays alone and wishing he were here with me. But yes, I am happy that he is doing what he thinks is best for him. I am happy that he will be able to do something that he likes. I am happy to be dating this man and for all the adventures we have yet to go on.

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How were you feeling before your significant other left for bootcamp/deployment/etc? Were you feeling the same things I am? How did you know you were strong enough? 

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